Yet again, this blog has been neglected. I have done little substantial research in the past months, primarily because I needed to take a step back. I don't think I'm quite ready to dive back head-first into all my work quite yet, but I'm getting there. I've seen at least two CFP for abstracts at feminist musicological conferences that I intentionally did not submit abstracts. I am going to do this right, however this needs to be done. Right now, I think that means a lot more reading and thinking. And less rushing into production (of scripts/texts/powerpoints/etc).
I'm currently working on a post for this blog that has to do with sheet music and identity. Sounds scholarly, but really it's just telling one woman's story. That should be up in the next week or so.
I'm posting here today because my google reader has been inundated with articles about people falling out of love with academia. The latest I just read comes from "I Used to be Disgusted, Now I Try to Be Amused," who is giving his restless farewell to teaching. The link takes you to the second part of his list of grievances and observations. It pretty much verbatim is how I feel about teaching and university life at this stage in time. I had an "amen brother" moment when he said "One thing that drew me to an academic career was the desire to be involved in something more meaningful than our society's unceasing cycle of consumption and greed." Hint: it's not that way anymore when the students don't care about what you are teaching, only that they get through your class with the A that they "paid for." [If you are interested, parts one and three can be found there, respectively. Interesting observations, though they are a little more explicitly personal and less philosophical.]
And I should say that I NEVER had the teaching headaches that many of these writers had. In fact, my teaching experience was by-in-large an incredibly rewarding and wonderful time. I feel like my jump into a full-time archive job, however, was a preemptive strike: an attempt to not reach the point amusedanddisgusted reached. Or reach the point that other bloggers are lamenting: a completed phd and no job to be found. In many posts, the website versatilephd.com is mentioned. I have not joined the "community" yet, but the possibilities of branching out beyond the classroom is hopeful. I think the job I kind of fell into is one such example. It hasn't always been an easy thing to accept for me- no longer teaching, no longer a full-time student-.... I've had at least one meltdown (one that was especially noteworthy, there were other smaller ones). It was in the midst of two research projects and lots of emotional juggling. Now I'm trying to view things with hopefully a wider perspective on my situation and I think I truly am happy with what I've decided. Right before Christmas break, an Edison cylinder phonograph was donated to my archive, and I nearly started crying. I have been able to touch the history I have studied moreso here than I would have otherwise.
People have been posting links in the comments section of aforementioned "buh-bye academia" articles of others who are going through the same phenomenon. It led me to this article, which I think completed describes how I'm feeling today. "But there is appreciation and compensation of a different sort." What I am doing today comprises different priorities, and I'm at peace with what is transpiring now. I am producing things--- not tons of text, but tons of stitches. I'm reading again, voraciously. I have time at work to teach myself basic skills in Adobe Creative Suite- something I've always wanted to be able to do. I'm not finding compensation in the excitement of a classroom of engaged students, but I am finding further compensation in my reduced stress levels, home cooked meals, and puppy cuddling on the couch without guilt. I am not teaching music appreciation, but I am finding my own greater appreciation in the music that I am conserving, that I am attempting to write about someday. [The article also mentions AWL "always writing lectures," and that perhaps was my worst habit of all. Something that after many months of not teaching, I have almost stopped doing now.]
*trying to figure out a way to wrap up all of these ideas.....*
I'm still here, I'm still trying to become a worthy scholar. Hopefully, 2010 (the year I started this blog), has given me more perspective to pursue the things that I am most passionate about.
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